Plan Simple with Mia Moran

Planning for Sex with Caitlin Cogan Doemner

February 14, 2019

I want you to be completely convinced that you are beautiful, that you are sexy, that you deserve pleasure. – Caitlin Cogan Doemner

On this episode of the Plan Simple Meals Podcast, I’m really excited to talk with Caitlin Cogan Doemner about sex. Do note, that this is not one to listen to with your kids...

Caitlin runs a successful coaching business with her husband. They’re raising four kids. And they have sex every day. Caitlin didn’t think anything of this until she started talking to some friends and realizing they didn’t do the same thing. She credits daily sex with the energy she has to do other things—and she and her husband wrote the book on sex every day. They actually wrote his and hers versions, so you can both read it an be on the same page.

Caitlin has three main tips. The first is to sleep naked, and she offers practical suggestions to make this happen—buying a heated blanket, having a bathrobe at the end of the bed, not co-sleeping. The second is eating from the menu, which encompasses appetizers (anything that gets us ready for sex), side dishes (everything that connects with sex—fantasy, candles, music, narrating what you are doing …), entrees (what brings you to climax), and desserts (what comes after, like cuddling). And third, prioritize pleasure in every area of your life a little bit more—and you cum first.

We talk about having different love languages and how understanding and honoring them is so important. Caitlin needs words of affirmation, while her husband craves touch. Acts of service, quality time (schedule that date night regularly!), are also love languages. We tend to give what we want to receive, but that doesn’t work when we have different love languages. Understanding each other’s language and using it helps lead to more and better sex.

We talk about:

  • Body shame around being naked together
  • Having your husband do bedtime with the kids while you shift from mom mode to wife mode
  • Not faking orgasms but giving your partner a system to get you there
  • Using mutual asking and giving feedback about what you both want in a way that’s not emotionally charged
  • The excuses we come up with — and the benefits we could be reaping (like reducing stress and cortisol levels, a rise in happiness endorphins and so much more)
  • How do deal with “I just don’t feel close to my husband right now/anymore”
  • Doing a two-week trial of sex every day
  • Being convinced that you are beautiful, that you are sexy, that you deserve pleasure—and that you should be enjoying sex.

BIO

Today's guest is Caitlin Cogan Doemner - she's best known for her expertise in sales and business strategy, growing her company, Virtual Coaching Sales, to $600,000 annually in just 4 years, she's published two books and has been invited to speak to entrepreneurs at both Harvard and Westpoint.

But we're talking to Caitlin today about a much more personal topic - her marriage - and her new book "Sex Every Day" which shares the 3-step process she and her husband have used to prioritize their pleasure in the 10 years they've been married - while raising four kids!

LINKS

Doable Changes from this episode:

  • SLEEP NAKED. One of Caitlin’s first tips is having more sex is to sleep naked. Give it a two-week trial. To help make it work, try sheets you love, a heated blanket if your house is cold, having a bathrobe handy for when you have to get up quickly.
  • KNOW YOUR PARTNER’S LOVE LANGUAGE. We’ve linked to the 5 Love Languages site. If you’re not familiar with love languages, read about them to figure out what your (and your partner’s) primary and secondary love language is. They often aren’t the same, and since we tend to give what we want to receive, there may be a disconnect.
  • TRANSITION OUT OF MOM MODE. Have your partner put the kids to bed while you do something for yourself. Don’t do the dishes or pack lunches for tomorrow. Take a bath. Go for a walk. Do whatever helps you transition out of mom mode so that you can enjoy spending some time with your partner.